Snake In The Monkey’s Shadow: 36 Million In The 70 Million’s Shadow By Yasin Olawumi

When I read the interrogatory joke or deliverable myth by the apex Nigerians, first I thought it’s normal to be hearing cock and bull story, even if it’s just a bit hilarious or prank in weight, never scorned how fable it was in the heart of humans. I quickly dusted my brain like a spiritual mopped, my impoverish thinking erased. It’s obvious to tag this current animalistic behaviour as snake in the monkey’s shadow since there is no suitable title for the family of Merlin

Distinguished gentlemen and Ladies, snake in the monkey’s shadow is a famous film produced by Hong Kong martial arts in 1979. When i was young, I love this film, I prefer watching it from morning till night in empty belly, I had a friend that always put it in action for us in school, displayed the snake style and the monkey too, what an agonising action.

The snake style of Kung fu was at its peak by the name of Hsia Sa, he was one of the greatest exponents of the style, he had an ambition to dominate the fighting world and had killed many experts until one day he challenged a monkey style expert called Koo Ting-sang and they held a contest.

The contest started in Nigeria, four to five weeks away when a staff of the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board, JAMB, in Makurdi, the Benue State capital, claimed that a snake sneaked into the account office and gulped N36 million cash, Philomina Chieshe is the same has Hsia Sa, the kung fu style that can’t account for 36 million as seals Clark, her ex mentor, Prof. Dibu Ojerinde never called the account of all JAMB offices in Nigeria, because nobody is going to account for what he/she has looted as for the black Government.

How can a spiritual snake swallowing the dough you kept in the vault, co-spiritual workers are double speaking, after all, it’s public funds not yours, very stinking to be reading the headlines as “snake swallows 36 million in JAMB office,” may be the temperature of her fever was too higher. Before the team of auditors descended her door step, what is her penultimate action on the devastating clue, who did she told of malicious snake that is swallowing money from the vault? Who notices the flying snake consuming our money before takeoff? Who owns the legs of the giant crocodile! She looks happy as a puppy wagging two tails with ravishing skin and whiten face.   Unpleasant moment, very fluster quote. She may have stolen something from Python Snake, her deal with it must have broken, causing hullabaloo by horning for help, very stubborn black goat, poppycock, she may be suffering from amnesia.

This ruckus started when their belly started swinging ostentatiously, her own idiocy absent of taste and this current registrar of JAMB, Prof. Is-haq Olarewaju Oloyede is a believer.  The Minister of Finance, Mrs Kemi Adeosun, told the Federal Executive Council that JAMB for the first time remitted N5 billion to the government with a balance of N3 billion still to be remitted. She said it was a big difference when compared to maximum N3 million per annum remitted in the past. Since the past government refused to unscrew them, they made it their perfect time to turn it inside out.

In 2017 alone, JAMB remitted 8 billion naira to the coffers of the federal government. This amount is out of proportion to the meager 50 million –less than 1% –which is the total sum the selfsame organization paid in annual returns between 2010 and 2016. Interestingly, the increase in revenue didn’t arise from any hike of UTME registration fee.  The wide difference in the remittance figures was simply due to the transformation of the revenue collection architecture. The former registrars of JAMB maintained a regime of loopholes. The new man, Ishaq Oloyede, blocked the leakages. 

 In 2011; N11, 522,808 was remitted, N25, 303,274 was remitted in 2013 and N13, 926,462 was remitted in 2014. There was no remittance in 2010, 2012, 2015 and 2016.

The 36 million naira was found to be missing in Benue, recently, 26 million was also found to be missing in Nasarawa, with the excuse that the unsold scratch cards were burnt when he was involved in a car crash, even as he failed to account for the ones he sold before a ban was placed on the use of scratch cards in 2016 only because the federal government ordered an investigation into the outrageous tiresome between past and present remittances. Without the probe, the theft would never be display.

Next is to inform the Hunters about this flabbergasted snake that gulped public money with no traces of sympathy and can consumed humans in a day light if cares is not taking, an evil snake that walked away with Nigerian notes with full armed and spies, the audacious killer with enchantment and fierce face, the obsessed dark magic serpent ” until the snake is dead, don’t drop the stick.” Anti-Corruption crusaders have exposed their loopholes, they have no taste for forgiveness since they refused to labour their sweats for the betterment of this country, era of impunity had gone, lion of today is roaring.

We are now in the Planet of apes, monkeys are now living with luxurious, riding horses and holding guns, guarded by bodyguards, appetizingly for dough.
Mr. Shehu Sani said about N70 million belonging to the group was claimed to have been carted away by monkeys in a farm house. When the Chairman Northern Senates forum, Abdullahi Adamu refused to account for the money resulted to his remover.

Expensive jokes everywhere, if you are in the state of puzzlement, you can call yourself a Viking warrior or make yourself a lupine guest. Nigerians have offended animal kingdom, they are now looting our money after they caused us all kinds of diseases, Lassa fever, Ebola. Rat chased president out of his office, website consumed 65 million from the Office of the Secretary to the Government, Dragon flew away with our newly world bank loaned money $486 million, said Lai Muhammad. Mosquitoes and bees are now rehearsing for 2019 General Election on how to fly away ballot boxes, lizards are planning to take over the administration of Buhari, if he dream to give room for roaring of lionizes just to see their loneliness, nothing in their hailing.

“He who eats alone dies alone.” All our political recidivists are now running like kangaroos, wading along the terms of the president, craving for indulgence before acting, before, it was on smartness, example is Alison Madueke. War on corruption silent brainless politicians that are expert in stealing Nigerians notes in a ridiculous way, making a lucrative wealth out of public funds, sabotaging our economy to fill their own tankers unjustly, but now, they are terrifying not to find themselves in the dungeon. The secretary of looters that came to Court days past with stretcher in a ludicrous way, in fact, he is a good actor, for not showing any movable joints for up to 1 hour, Guinness book of records is waiting for his seal. He thought he is still in the era of free living but no, it’s the era of monitoring.

Awkward moment is when 100 percent goofy turns to 10 percent loser, what makes E-money luxuries to be begging for health, “what goes around always comes around.” your time is now, your judgment is waiting.

Yasin Olawumi graduated from Usmanu Danfodiyo University, Sokoto
(UDUSOK). He is a Corps member, NYSC Osun State


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